Essay

The Hippest Man I Know

            James is quiet, distant, going about his daily duties with a certain air of confidence radiating from him.  Sometimes he appears to be looking through you, instead of at you, as if he is above this realm of personal interaction, better than those of us that just don’t realize we are stuck in a state of perpetual boredom.  Aloof is a good way to describe him, aware of your presence, but not personally concerned with you being near.  One could say beginning a conversation with James would appear difficult, especially when he touches you with his gaze.  Eyes of iron blue stare out at you, almost as if they could cut through you, but quickly soften to the color of the sky on a clear spring day, when he shows interest in a topic.  His features relax as he begins to converse with you, however that sense of detachment is ever present, just under the skin of the interaction, ready to burst forth and place you back with the non-relevant.  At times, James can be the center of attention, not in a comical demand to draw your attention to him way (like Jim Carrey) but as if he is a force that cannot, or will not, be ignored.  Like gravity.  Have you ever tried to defy gravity?  It’s impossible.  Gravity forces you to acknowledge it, recognize it for what it is and respect it.  James is like gravity in that aspect.  He is always there, present, and to ignore him is impossible.  His weight is felt even if he never speaks to you, glances at you

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or comes near.  But respect him you must, for there is no other option.  James’ perspectives and attitudes seep out in all instances that involve him, disallowing participants to ignore the force that is James.  Oh, and James is gay.

I first met James in 2008, 3 days after returning from Iraq.  I still had sand fleas burrowed in my legs and the smell of burnt bodies in my nostrils.  I was glad to be home, back with my family, working a real job that would keep me here, knowing the difficulties that lay ahead of me and the sleepless nights I would have to endure, again.  I was led throughout the office and introduced to my new co-workers, meeting smiles with an ever increasing sense of doom and dread.  I kept thinking, “No one is armed and there are bad guys here,” but kept it all to myself.  Frankly, I didn’t have the energy to speak out, much the less the inclination as I was the new guy.  (Two years later and a world of experience I bring to the table, and I’m still the new guy.)  I met James at his desk.  I saw a powerful man sitting over a tiny desk, grossly mis proportionate.  He was lumbering over this desk, almost as if he was stooping down to pick up a toothpick.  On a shelf behind him sat a picture of him in uniform, sergeant stripes gleaming on the sleeves.  He introduced himself and I can’t remember what exactly was said, but I remember being impressed with his bearing and presence.  Pure professionalism.  He appeared, to me, as the type of man that could lead and inspire without words, using his actions to influence men to follow.  He had an aura, almost, surrounding him, as if he seemed to hover above us, not really a part of us but still participating in actions with us.  His words were few, as I have learned to expect from him, but what little he did say has held with me since that day.  His words were not profound, nothing more than the obligatory hello and glad to meet you.  It was more the way he said them, sincere and full of honesty, yet I got the feeling as I walked away that if I looked back, he wouldn’t be

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there.  Almost as if I had imagined the introduction.  I have lived and worked in many different climes, but had yet to meet someone so honest, yet appearing imaginary, if you will.  I can’t believe that there is an actual person that can have such strength and bearing, yet be so unaware of the influence he holds over others.

            James grew up in Meridian, Idaho in the 1970’s and 80’s.  There is but a passing resemblance left of those days, beyond the conservative mindset that is Idaho.  This was still largely a farming community.  Land was still worth working and the money earned farming and ranching was greater than what the builder offered to take the land and erect matchstick houses  James knew he was different from the community in which he lived, and boldly set out to become his own man.  As an adult, in 1997, James ran against local convention as a city council member in Boise.  1997 Boise was similar in mindset to the Boise of 1957.  Then, as now, there are topics that are unmentionable beyond the private confines of one’s residence.  The population of Boise was not acceptable of James’ lifestyle and he lost the election to Jerome Mapp.  “James was the first openly gay political candidate in Idaho” (Virta) and has been credited with opening the doors of acceptance to gays and lesbians.  Nicole LeFavour (D), Idaho Senate, has publicly stated that James is responsible for her political success, saying his personal strength has led the way for greater acceptance in Idaho communities. 

John Leland describes Hip as an “undercurrent of enlightenment, organized around contradictions and anxieties” (15).  This explanation goes far in the description of James.  Being gay, he has, in essence turned his back on the norms of society, finding his pleasures in a lifestyle off the beaten path, yet still with us in that he has found a partner to share and build a

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life with, much the same as a heterosexual couple, yet different.  Here lies the paradox, also the basic definition of James.  He chose to break free of the yoke that holds us to societal rules, doing his own thing, being his own man and sticking his nose at the uptight religious state of mind that is Idaho, yet he still belongs to this same society, living and working among us and most importantly, searching for the same happiness we all seek.  This fits in well with Leland’s statement, as I see James’ approach to daily life as almost knowing the answer to a riddle, one that holds the key to happiness and is available to all, but is beyond the reach of those that refuse to open their minds.  He flaunts conventional Idaho wisdom in a way that is not demeaning by refusing to accept this society’s definition of what a grown man should be, yet not openly criticizing those that judge him by his choices.

            I no longer work with James and will not be able to see him on a regular basis in the office.  Due to circumstances beyond our control, but which mirror the communal Idaho mindset, James has returned to the position he held prior to working in our office.  I credit his attitudes with opening my eyes to a different perspective, one which I was blinded to by my profession and lifestyle.  I consider myself fortunate to have a friend in the caliber of James Dutoit, but find it difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes him special.  Hip can be described as resisting definition, ever-changing and beyond reach.  I believe this is James.  A phenomenon some have been fortunate to experience.